Witcher 3 The Plays The Thing

Hey! Ever heard of some monster hunter moonlighting as a theatre critic? Yeah, me neither. But in The Witcher 3, Geralt kinda does! Get ready for "The Play's the Thing," one of the most hilarious and bizarre side quests in the whole damn game.

Geralt, Theatre Aficionado?

Alright, picture this. You’re Geralt, right? All gruff and grumbly. You've slain griffins, bargained with djinn, and romanced… well, a lot of people. And suddenly, you're tasked with helping some struggling actors put on a play. Because, why not?

It’s ridiculous. Gloriously ridiculous. And honestly? A welcome break from all the monster slaying and political intrigue. Think of it as Geralt's version of a spa day, only with more poorly-written scripts and questionable costumes.

The Quest Begins (and the Chaos Ensues)

You meet Irwin, a playwright with dreams bigger than his talent. And a troupe of actors… well, let's just say they're not exactly destined for stardom. They need your help. And not the "I need you to kill a monster" kind. Nope. They need funding, security, and maybe a miracle.

You, Geralt of Rivia, become their sugar daddy, bodyguard, and director. All rolled into one grumpy package.

Sourcing the… "Talent"

The quest involves finding actors. And oh boy, the characters you meet. One guy is so method he's basically living as a forest creature. Another is convinced he's the greatest actor alive, despite… evidence to the contrary. The auditions? Pure gold. Expect some seriously questionable acting skills.

Remember that part where you play director? Yeah, you get to choose which actors play which roles. Miscast the whole thing? You absolutely can. It adds to the comedic effect. Trust me.

Dealing with Stage Frights (and Real Monsters)

It wouldn't be the Witcher without some monster action, right? So, naturally, there are… complications. Like, actual monsters attacking the performance. Because who needs bad reviews when you can have a GHOUL interrupt your soliloquy?

Geralt gets to, once again, save the day. Only this time, he's doing it while surrounded by stage props and bewildered actors. The contrast is just chef's kiss.

The Play's the Thing… Or Is It?

The play itself? Well, it's… something. Badly written, over-the-top, and utterly hilarious. It's so bad, it's good. And seeing Geralt's reactions throughout the whole ordeal is priceless.

The quest is a masterclass in comedic timing and absurdity. It's a reminder that even in a dark and gritty world, there's always room for a good laugh (and a terrible play).

Why This Quest is So Great

It’s unexpected. It's funny. It's a chance to see Geralt in a completely different light. He's still the Witcher, but he's also… a patron of the arts? Kinda. Sorta.

It's a palate cleanser. A break from the heavy storylines. And a reminder that the Witcher 3 is more than just monster hunting. It’s about the characters, the stories, and the moments of pure, unadulterated fun. Plus, who doesn’t love seeing Geralt deal with incompetent actors?

Did You Know…? Quirky Facts!

• The play's title in some versions references Shakespeare’s Hamlet: “The Play’s the Thing.” Pretty clever, huh?
• You can actually influence the outcome of the play. Your choices affect how well (or how badly) it goes.
• Some believe the quest is a subtle jab at certain video game writing tropes. Meta, right?

Give it a Go!

Seriously, if you haven't done "The Play's the Thing," do yourself a favor and find it. It's tucked away in Novigrad. Follow the quest marker and prepare to laugh. You won't regret it.

It's a perfect example of why The Witcher 3 is so beloved. It's not just the monsters and the magic. It’s the quirky side quests that make the world feel so alive. And "The Play's the Thing" is definitely one of the quirkiest (and funniest) of them all.

Now go, be a patron of the (very bad) arts!